"The deepest desire of the human heart is to be seen; the deepest fear of the human heart is to be seen."

I still remember where I was standing—halfway up a stairwell at the iconic Sea Ranch Lodge—when one of my most unlikely mentors, G. Hoffman Soto, uttered these words.

“The deepest desire of the human heart is to be seen; the deepest fear of the human heart is to be seen.” 

He made plain a dichotomy that, up until then, I thought only I suffered. Which seems silly now that I realize it is literally universal. When I long to be seen for what I am—my wisdom, my guts, my knowing—while simultaneously thinking of all the reasons I don’t—my appearance, my “less than,” my lack—I think of his wavy grey hair, freckled face, and hear him utter these words in his mixed accent, and I whisper a silent thank you.

I have lived this moment of wanting to be seen while being deeply uncomfortable with being seen about 10,000 times in my life. People are often surprised to learn that I identify as an introvert. DJing is often deeply difficult for me, especially when there’s that one person who plants themselves in front of the booth and stares (you know that person—don’t be that person). And yet, the thrill of being the DJ, creating the musical soundscape that a whole lot of sweaty dancers are losing themselves in, is a thrill beyond measure.

But it is in facilitation where I feel this polarity between fear and desire most intensely. It feels like such an enormous responsibility to lead a group of humans deep inside their hearts, where fears and desires reside, and then invite them to dance vulnerably with what they find. And that’s on a good day.

On the bad days when I don’t feel resourced—when, say, I’ve just had a call from a lawyer with terrible news ten minutes before the dance begins—I feel completely ill-equipped. This is exactly what happened on Saturday night in Dublin, when I was set to DJ and facilitate ED Ireland’s one-year anniversary.

The DJing part I can do: I can play the set list track to track with basic transitions, and everyone but the DJs in the room will think it was perfect. They won’t see the cracks in my confidence or hear the voices in my head telling me to just play it safe, stay on list, and get through the night.

But to sit before them and use my voice—to invite the group into a seated circle and guide them in a visualization asking them to take stock of the last year—means I have to do it too, for real. I have to look back over my own year, let in what that lawyer told me just ten minutes before, stay centered and aware of myself while maintaining connection to the group, and feel it all. Because this is what it means to be an embodied dance facilitator—you can’t fake it and expect it to work.

And this is what I did. I sat on the edge of falling apart, with so much fear that I actually might, while simultaneously holding the desire to guide this group of humans into a dance worthy of celebrating the one-year anniversary of becoming a community. It was not comfortable. But the dance must go on.

And it did. As I facilitated the closing, we were back in our seated circle while member after member of the Ecstatic Dance Ireland community told Carlos (the founder and DTM alumni) how much this dance had changed their lives. They thanked him for the community he built, while he thanked the community for supporting his dream. Then the cakes came out, and we all sang Happy Birthday in Irish until the whole event melted into a big pizza party. And like magic, the call from the lawyer didn’t hurt so much. I looked around me, and it helped me trust that, in the end, it will all be okay.

The word “facilitate” may mean to make things easier, but that doesn’t mean the work itself is easy. Sometimes it’s hard as hell. To stand at the front of the room, willing to be seen, and to guide people into their hearts—to their deepest fears and desires—is a rite of passage. If you are ready—or even if you are not—come learn to facilitate the dance with us. Dance Facilitator Training • IRELAND • Oct 12 - 18 Dance Facilitator Training • ONLINE • Mar 04 - June 10 2026 Dance Facilitator Training • PORTUGAL • Apr 15 - 21 2026

Love from Bernice.